Why Friendships Change in Adulthood 

As people mature, their responsibilities, interests, and environments naturally shift, leading to adjustments in their social circles. Research on friendship quality during emerging adulthood shows that companionship and reliable alliance in best friendships increase slightly between ages 19 to 22 but begin to decline, particularly between ages 25 and 30.  

This decline occurs as adult responsibilities take up more space in our daily lives, including: 

• Career advancement – As individuals focus on building their careers, work schedules become more demanding, leaving less time for socializing. 

• Romantic relationships – Early adulthood often brings an increased focus on romantic relationships, which can naturally lead to a decline in friendship intimacy over time.

• Family obligations – Some individuals start planning for families, reducing their availability for friendships.

• Geographical changes – Moving for work, school, or relationships can make maintaining close friendships more challenging. 

As priorities shift, the time and emotional energy once dedicated to friendships naturally evolve, creating a sense of distance. While this change can feel unsettling, it’s a normal part of adulthood and doesn’t mean friendships lose their value, instead it means they transform in different ways. 

Recognizing When to Move On from a Friendship 

One of the hardest lessons about friendships is realizing that not all of them are meant to last forever. Jimena also shared an important reflection on letting go of relationships that no longer serve you: 

"I wish younger me knew that it’s okay to let go of friendships. It doesn’t matter how long they have known you for—it’s better not to put pressure or effort into maintaining a friendship, especially when it becomes very one-sided. For me, it felt draining trying to save a friendship just because of how long it lasted." 

Many people hold onto friendships out of nostalgia, guilt, or obligation, but Jimena’s experience serves as a reminder that the length of a friendship does not determine its quality. A friendship should feel mutual, supportive, and fulfilling, not one-sided or exhausting. If you find yourself always being the one to initiate conversations, make plans, or put in emotional effort without reciprocity, it may be time to let go. 

Some signs of a one-sided friendship include:

• You are always the one reaching out or making plans. 

• Your friend only contacts you when they need something. 

•  You feel drained or unappreciated in the relationship.  

• The friendship doesn’t bring joy or support anymore. 

• Your friend doesn’t make an effort to understand your life changes. 

Letting go of a friendship can be difficult, but choosing your peace and well-being is not selfish—it’s necessary. 

Losing a friendship whether from gradually drifting apart or experiencing a sudden disconnect can be emotionally challenging. It’s natural to feel sadness, confusion, or even frustration when someone who once played an important role in your life is no longer present. However, instead of seeing this as purely a loss, it can also be an opportunity for personal growth, self-reflection, and new beginnings.  

How to Cope with Changing Friendships 

• Acknowledge Life’s Changes – Friendships evolving over time doesn’t mean something went wrong. People change, and sometimes life takes them in different directions.

• Reflect on What the Friendship Meant to You – Instead of dwelling on what’s lost, focus on the positive experiences, meaningful conversations, and lessons that shaped you.

• Allow Yourself to Grieve – Friendships hold deep emotional value. It’s okay to feel sadness or nostalgia. Giving yourself space to process these emotions is a healthy part of moving forward. 

• Consider Reaching Out – If the friendship was particularly significant, you might want to initiate an open and honest conversation. Sometimes, reconnecting and understanding each other’s perspectives can repair a fading connection.

• Seek Support if Needed – If you’re struggling with the transition, speaking with a therapist or counselor can help you process emotions and gain perspective.  

• Be Kind to Yourself – Self-compassion is key. Friendships change, and that’s a normal part of life. Every relationship—whether it lasts a lifetime or just a season—contributes to your personal journey. 

In my conversation with Mary Johnson, a counselor at the Dyson Wellness Center, she shared helpful advice on coping with changes in friendships. She stressed the importance of talking to someone you trust—whether that’s a parent, older sibling, or friend. She also recommended reaching out to fellow students, as they may have gone through similar experiences. “Sometimes knowing you’re not alone can make a huge difference,” she said. 

Mary and I also discussed how common these friendship changes are, and how important it is to talk openly about them. I want to remind you that counseling at North Central is free, confidential, and available to all students. Whether you walk in, call, or book through the HUB, the Dyson Wellness Center is a safe space for support—even for a one-time visit when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Mary emphasized that friendship losses are natural and not anyone’s fault. Friendships evolve, and it’s a part of life. 

Rediscovering Fulfillment through Solitude  

The shift in friendships can also be an opportunity to explore independence and self-discovery. Rather than fearing solitude, consider it a chance to reconnect with yourself and what truly brings you joy. Here’s how you can make the most of this transition: 

• Engage in hobbies and passions – Use this time to dive into interests that fulfill you, whether it’s painting, writing, fitness, or music. 

• Cultivate new friendships – As your interests evolve, you’ll naturally meet new people who align with the person you’re becoming. 

• Learn to enjoy solitude – Spending time alone can be empowering. Whether it’s taking yourself on a solo coffee date or traveling alone. 

Embracing time alone can become a powerful tool for self-discovery and growth. This is where self-determination theory (SDT) provides valuable insights into the benefits of solitude. This framework suggests that well-being in solitude is not about isolation but about choosing time alone for relaxation and personal reflection. Studies have shown that positive solitude can lead to feelings of relaxation and peace, as opposed to the harmful effects of loneliness, which is often linked to negative emotional and physical outcomes. In fact, for many older adults, self-determined solitude leads to more positive emotions and provides them with the opportunity to recharge. 

As you navigate the changes in your friendships, it’s important to remember that solitude can also be a source of joy and relaxation. Whether you're reading a book, pursuing a hobby, or simply taking a walk in nature, moments of self-determined solitude can enhance your overall well-being. In fact, Nguyen et al. found that most people experience positive emotions during solitude. 

By learning to embrace solitude as a space for personal growth, you’ll find that it complements the shifts in your social network, allowing you to feel grounded and content, regardless of the changes happening around you. 

Embracing the Change and Growth 

Change is an inevitable part of life, and friendships are no exception. Recognizing that friendships evolve doesn’t diminish their past value; instead, it reflects personal growth. Rather than seeing it as a loss, embrace it as an opportunity to explore your independence, strengthen your self-identity, and form new connections that align with the person you’re becoming. Engaging in hobbies or activities you enjoy is a great way to become more comfortable with solitude. As Mary Johnson emphasized, balancing social interactions with time alone is crucial for emotional well-being. While connecting with others is important, learning to enjoy your own company is just as essential. Understanding that friendships change over time allows you to approach these shifts with confidence, appreciating lasting connections while embracing the journey of self-discovery.